Every couple of months, it seems like I'm due one big dramatic religious crisis. And by religious crisis, I mean I mope around the house teary eyed while that little voice in my head (The little voice of "You failed the fuck out that test you're waiting for results on." and "By 'good', he really meant 'You look fat in those jeans'." fame) will suddenly declare, "You're an atheist now!"
Notice how it likes to bypass agnostic entirely.
I arrive at such a state when something completely. unrelated is at fault. For instance, I'm moving back to GA in a couple of weeks. My boyfriend has moved down already to start work. That leaves me here alone to pack this place up for the move. Boyfriend wants it done in two weeks, but fails to properly grasp completely that I cannot pack without boxes. And, seeing as I very suddenly have no transportation to venture out into the world and forage for said boxes... you can see my dilemma.
Or maybe your can't see my dilemma. Maybe there's this obvious solution that I'm missing because there's construction going on right outside my bedroom window. Construction that begins at the-birds-aren't-even-up-asshole AM and ends whenever they feel like wandering off.. There's no discernible pattern to the construction other than the probability that it can and will begin when I'm asleep and wake me up so suddenly I can't recall the tiniest detail of dreaming for my bedside dream journal.
Now, I don't know how long my mind has been doing this, but it likes to blame Paganism for the root of all my problems. I think it's because I've always been vaguely ashamed of being Pagan. I grew up in the Bible Belt.. Spiritually, that area is divided into two groups; God-fearing Christians and atheists bitter at religion... and by religion, I mean Christianity, because that's the only religion that exists in the Bible Belt because when you tell someone you're a Pagan you can't easily define that because people already think you're nuts because you call yourself and witch and because you're somehow working quantum physics into the conversation and now they're either handing you a pamphlet or backing away slowly.
I'm sorry. Where was I going with this? Construction woke me up. Dog started barked. I sat up in bed, weepy and declaring there was no God. I wandered over to the computer. Started typing.... Oh well.
I imagine I'll be a pseudo atheist until the construction ends and I fix myself a bowl of sherbet... or until I acquire my boxes... and a bowl of sherbet.
- Construction Work: a sure sign that there is no God?